Questions to Talk Through Before You Marry

Questions about money

Money is easy to put off because it feels unromantic, yet it shapes nearly every plan you make together. Talking openly now leaves less room for money secrets later. If money already feels tense, our money disorders work looks at where each of your beliefs came from. Start with these:

• What did each of you learn about money growing up, and from whom?
• What do you each earn, owe and save right now?
• Is one of you more of a spender and the other more of a saver?
• Will your money be combined, kept separate or some of each?
• Above what amount should a purchase be talked over first?
• Who will pay the bills, and how will the other stay informed?

Questions about family, roles and expectations

Each of you grew up in a family that did things a certain way, and those ways can feel like the only normal. Families can be very different, from how loudly people argue to who hosts the holidays. Expectations that go unspoken tend to come back later as disappointment. Talk through these:

• How often will you see each of your families, and where will holidays happen?
• How much say will in laws have in your decisions?
• Do you want children, and if so, when?
• How will you support each other's careers, including a possible move?
• What role will faith play in your home and your calendar?
• Who handles which household jobs, and what happens if the split feels uneven?

Questions about how you fight

Every couple disagrees. What matters is the pattern, and learning yours while the stakes are low is worth doing now. Ask each other: What usually starts an argument between us? When it heats up, does one of us push for an answer while the other goes quiet? How do we know a fight is over, and what helps us find our way back?

If you already notice the same fight every time, treat it as useful information rather than a bad sign. A loop can be named and worked on. Agree on a simple repair process now: how either of you calls a pause, when you come back to the subject, and how you apologize in a way the other can hear.

Children, a business or a previous marriage

If one or both of you brings children, a business or a previous marriage, a few more questions belong on the list. What role will a stepparent play, and how quickly? How will you handle schedules shared with a former spouse? How much time and money will the business need? What did an earlier marriage teach each of you, and what do you want to do differently this time?

How pre marital counseling helps

Some of these questions are easy to answer at the kitchen table. Others go better with a third person in the room who can slow things down and say plainly what they notice. Our pre marital counseling is a short, focused series of sessions on money, family and roles, and how you fight, including a repair process you can keep using long after the wedding.

Sessions happen at our Cole Avenue office in Dallas or online anywhere in Texas, and you can join from the same room or from two different places. Counseling also fits if your officiant or faith community has asked you to complete it before the wedding.

Related on This Site

• Pre Marital Counseling→
• Financial Infidelity: When Money Secrets Hurt a Marriage→
• Communication Problems in Marriage→